Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
