I need to stop coming to work sober
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
