Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize