You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
