She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
