He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
