My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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