No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
