So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
