thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
