can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
