Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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