Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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