I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
