i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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