no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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