I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
