I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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