Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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