I could make wine with my vomit
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
