I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
