so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
