and you said cock pushups were impossible
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
