Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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