just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
