My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
