We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
