normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
