She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
