I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
