he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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