my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
