Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize