I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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