yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
