I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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