I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize