Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
