I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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