he puts the penis in happiness.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
