Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
