we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
