mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize