can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
