ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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