every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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