His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
