I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
