mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
