his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
