FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just had sex on a roof
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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