What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
