well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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