did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
