He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
