so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
