There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize