WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
