Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
