Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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