We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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