Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
