she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
