College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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