I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't deserve a penis
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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