he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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