so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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