I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
