I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
