need another drink. this is the easiest way
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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