Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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