Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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