True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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