I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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