Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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