i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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