wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
no you cant smoke seaweed
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
